A Non-Philosopher's Guide to Philosophical Terms

Philosophical vocabulary, demystified.

Utilitarian: one who believes that the morally right action is the one with the best consequences, so far as the distribution of happiness is concerned; a creature generally believed to be endowed with the propensity to ignore their own drowning children in order to push buttons which will cause mild sexual gratification in a warehouse full of rabbits

Benthamite: someone who really would ignore their own drowning child in order to push the rabbit-gratification button.